What is a Heart-Weary?
The expression ‘Heart-weary’ is used for a state of emotional exhaustion. A situation, where a person feels emotionally drained. How I turned into a ‘Heart-weary’ person of this this story?
After completing my degree, I enthusiastically embraced my current workplace, driven by strong determination to be a better version of myself. Fueled by the desire to step out of my introvert zone and gradually embrace my extroverted side, I approached each day with excitement, knowing it was an opportunity to showcase the real me to the world. With warm arms, I welcomed everyone around me, accepting both their camaraderie and playful sarcasm as hallmarks of modern-day friendships. I never hesitated to accept before them, that I am a very sensitive person, hoping for understanding and respect. Instead, the response was often dismissive, suggesting that I simply needed to get used to it since “that’s just how they are.” I began pushing myself harder, I started neglecting my own emotions due to the impact of the small sarcastic comments that became a regular part of interactions. These comments were like needles poking at my heart every day. This ongoing experience led me to introspect myself.
I began asking myself questions like “Am I really a friend to them, do they even consider me as a person or just a lacky for entertainment?” Gradually, I retreated to my original space, cutting off my social interactions with them and isolating myself. When I suddenly withdrew from social interactions without any explanation, it might lead to feelings of rejection, hurt, or abandonment in them. As a consequence, they developed many negative perceptions about me and labelled me as “Egoistic”, “Selfish”, “Moody” and “Short-tempered”. In my naivety, I allowed their perceptions to shape my actions, moving further away from my authentic self. I had lost touch with the person I once was and desperately missed. I even started to hate myself and reach at ‘Heart-weary’ situation. I was not able to fall asleep properly.
Then came a moment of clarity, when while travelling to my hometown by bus, I met one of college friend and she reminded me about my past self. I recollected myself that this is the thing I was missing in myself. It is on that day, when I realized that the opinions others held of me did not define who I truly was. On that day I embraced myself very tightly. I started loving myself. I decided to invest in myself and nurturing my self-esteem for a strong foundation of my personality.
One of the concrete decisions I had made was to become deaf to the unnecessary noise and to stay focused on doing what was right for my own growth and remaining neutral towards others’ deeds. Despite this, I still hear unbelievable stories about myself occasionally. But now nothing matters. I had learned a million-dollar lesson: no one could define me except me. As long as my intentions were pure, I knew nothing would go wrong. I resolved to stay true to myself, to let no one else’s voice scramble my beliefs.
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